Top Ten Ways To Flourish

In the spirit of David Letterman, a top ten list for how to flourish in 2025. No matter what.

10. Tell the truth.

A story only works if it’s true. So don’t resist it. Don’t try to shrug it off. Don’t say “this isn’t so bad.” Floods and fires and autocrats? This is scary. So tell the truth. Sometimes everything is terrible. Accept it. Face it head on. And then keep moving forward.

9. Don’t carry your anger with you.

I’m not going to say don’t be angry. It’s impossible not to be angry. But think of the anger as rocks in a river, and keep paddling. Don’t take it with you, as you head downstream.

Remember: they want you to be angry. They want you to fight about whether that was, in fact, a Nazi salute (yes) and whether there are in fact, only two genders (no). They want you outraged and inflamed. When we are furious, they are flourishing. They depend on our anger. But remember this important truth.

The more people you hate the stronger they get.

The more people you love, the stronger YOU get.

8. Take a deep breath.

Trying to figure out how to stop being angry and afraid? Start with your breath. Your breath is a story you tell yourself. When you take quick, shallow, ragged breaths, the story is one of distress and agitation, like Whoopi Goldberg in Ghost.

You activate your fight-or-flight mode, you are on constant alert for threats and adversaries. You can’t flourish in this mode; you can only survive.

So the simplest way to shift from fear or anger? Take a deep breath. When you take a deep breath, you reset your nervous system from fearful, aggressive and adversarial to calm, reflective, and relaxed. When you are breathing deeply, you are telling your body, right now I am safe. Right now I am okay. Right now I do not need to be afraid.

With a deep breath, you make space for a different story. And what comes after that?

7. Make small talk.

Ha! Weren’t expecting this one, were you? Me either! But it’s true!

In her study on how to live longer, Julianne Holt-Lunstad discovered that the best strategy for a long life is casual social interactions. In fact, the root cause of our current state of agitation in the world may well stem from our growing disconnection with the world around us. So, if you want to change your life for the better, go to a coffee house and make small talk with the barista.

Last week I was at City Bakery with my friend Beth on our weekly writing date. We were talking about the Gospel of Mary (as one does) and when Beth got up to return her mug, the 20something goateed guy sitting at the next table over said “Are you guys talking about Mary Magdalene? I visited her caves in France!” We ended up having an amazing talk about pilgrimages and mystery and history. Small talk for the win, people!!

6. Create community.

There is no doubt that people who are part of communities live longer. It’s why churches are so good for us, and senior centers, and any activity that brings people together. So I’m on a project this year to find new communities. I’m being creative about it. Tonight Steve and I are going to try ecstatic dance. This community dance event is also a fundraiser for BelovedAsheville. I am even worse at dancing than I am at paddling. I am sure to be awful. It is sure to be delightful. I can’t wait.

5. Look for the helpers.

It is easy, it is tempting, in the news environment, to focus on all the bad actors in the world. If you read the news, you see enemies everywhere (and then you have to remind yourself to release your anger and take deep breaths again).

But if you look a little closer, if you remind yourself to see the river not the rocks, you will realize the world is filled with helpers, just like Mr. Rogers said. They are everywhere, in places you would not possibly expect.

Michael Bloomberg even proved there are some good billionaires when he stepped up to pay the U.S. portion of the Paris Climate Accords.

How many of us were heartened, this week, by an Episcopalian bishop with short gray hair and a soothing voice, speaking truth to power, preaching kindness and love and mercy?

Marian Budde might not have changed the autocrat. She sure as hell changed me. And now her book, How We Learn To Be Brave, is a bestseller. Buy it! I did!

And here’s a gift link from the New York Times to both her sermon and a really powerful essay on what it meant to progressive Christians, to have someone reclaim their faith for them.

4. Be A Helper

We start to think that because we cannot change politics, we cannot change anything. We start to feel helpless. This is a story. It is a bad story. (It is a story the bad guys want you to believe.)

If you’re inspired by Marian Budde or Fred Rogers, remember we don’t just have to look for helpers, because we’re not children. We can be helpers. You are not helpless. You can always be helpful.

I was talking to a friend last night about all the bad things happening. She’s a second grade teacher and she said, “I just think about the fact that I’ve got these little souls in my life for nine months, and I can fill them up with compassion and kindness and love, and send them out for the rest of their lives with all that spirit of good.”

Hell yeah.

Spend less time reading about things you cannot change, and more time changing what you can. Every time you do something kind for another person, it changes them, and it changes you… and it changes the narrative, too.

3. Play Bingo.

The writer V.E. Schwab shared a tool for her readers on how she plans out her year. She creates a bingo card, and fills it in with all that she wants to do this year; all the things that bring her joy. Creative projects she wants to work on, places she wants to go, hobbies she wants to pursue, people she wants to spend time with. Do you want to have a great year? Come up with great things to do, and do them.

It matters not even the smallest bit who is in office. You can still play Bingo. You can still do so many wonderful things. (See the end of this essay for a sample card and more details on how to play.)

2. Be a plant. Bend towards the light.

It can be overwhelming. Beyond overwhelming, the scope of the problems before us. It is helpful, I think, to zoom out and think about all of history, and all of the world. You cannot change the world alone, but you are not alone.

The world is always moving, it is always changing. And it can move towards the light, or it can move towards the dark. If you fear that the world is moving towards the dark, don’t resist it. Accept it.

But then go outside. Take a deep breath, and face the light. Remember that is what a plant always does: it grows towards the light.

Remind yourself of the Jewish mantra that if you save one soul, you save the whole world.

And say to yourself, if all I do on this planet is to help move the world one iota closer to the light, if all I do while I’m here is help one person move toward kindness and away from fear, if all I do is move myself closer to the light, then I have moved the world forward.

Find peace in that. Find purpose in that.

And one more thing.

1. Pursue a mystery.

When asked the secret to a happy life, Einstein said the answer was simple. Pursue a mystery, he said. Elizabeth Gilbert says the secret to thriving is to be just a little bit more curious than you are afraid. So. If you’re angry, or afraid, take a deep breath. Look for the helpers. Remember you are not alone. Bend towards the light.

And lean into the mystery. That’s what I’m going to do.

“The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and all science.”

- Albert Einstein

In the weeks, months, maybe years to come, I’m going to pursue a mystery.

What if the universe is unfolding exactly as it should?

What if we have been preparing our whole lives, all of us, for precisely this moment in time?

What will it take for us to rise?

What if this is about to be our finest hour?

How To Play Bingo

Game and graphic Courtesy of V.E. Schwab.

Here’s a blank bingo card. Fill it in with anything that you can do this year that will give you joy, purpose, a sense of accomplishment. Sample entries on my own card: Launch my storytelling workshop, Hope In Three Acts; learn piano piece; read 100 books; go on a spiritual retreat; practice gratitude; be kind.